Savvy Toddler Mom

Based on the search terms used to find my blog in the last day, I think someone in Lehi, Utah had their basement flooded.  I am so sorry!  Having JUST had that happen to me, my sympathies are with you.

I’m glad it brought you across my blog, though.

It’s a busy Friday here… and, oh, am I glad it’s Friday!  SavvyDad’s been out of town all week on business and will finally return today.  The single mom thing is WAY too hard for me.  I appreciate SavvyDad more today than ever… I had no idea just how much easier he made my life everyday.  Having him gone really makes it obvious.  Thank you for all you do, sweetie!

Also, I have a new-found admiration for single moms.  Wow.  And I only have one child.  I hear Canyonfool’s voice in my head asking me to give the same acknowledgement to single dads, too.  So, single moms & dads… here is a round of applause and a pat on the back.  Do yourselves a favor and take at least 15 minutes this weekend for yourself.  As soon as SavvyDad gets home, that is my plan.

I’ve been slammed with work since last week — even over the weekend (grrr…) — so just a few thoughts for today. 

1) Sunscreen.  It’s freakin’ hot already here in Utah (102 degrees on Friday!), and the toot would be lobster-red without his sunscreen every couple of hours.  Always put sunscreen on your kids when they play outside, whether it’s sunny or cloudy.  Apply, then reapply.  The nuisance is definitely worth not having them get skin cancer.

2) Early Book Review. I just started reading “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by John Gottman.  I’m only 20 or so pages into it, but really, really enjoying it.  Several times today I was able to put Gottman’s theories to the test with positive results.  Recommended by a therapist friend of mine (who said she’s glad Gottman wrote it, because otherwise she would have had to…), it’s all about teaching your children to be comfortable expressing their emotions and having them learn how to cope with emotionally-charged situations.  I’ll let you know my final verdict after I finish reading and some real-world application. 

However, I keep thinking about a childhood experience where my mom and I were shopping for underwear (I think I was seven or eight) and she wouldn’t let me get the kind I wanted.  No explanation, no empathy.  Just “no,” and then got mad at me for being upset about it.  (I think I wanted Strawberry Shortcake or something…)  I’m sure there was a reason: cost, quality, etc., but she didn’t try to explain it.  I just remember her being MEAN because she wouldn’t let me get whatever it was.  A mean mom.

Gottman argues that parents should validate their children’s feelings, let them express them, give them a name (sad, angry, disappointed), and then learn to cope with those feelings and move on.  I wish my mom had put her arm around me and said, “I know you want to get those.  They would be really fun, wouldn’t they?  Unfortunately, [her reason here] and I’m so sorry we can’t.”

It would have made all the difference in the world. 

3) Potty Training.  This is the one I’m the most excited about.  The toot has shown little interest so far in the little potty we placed in “his” bathroom several months ago.  It might as well just be a step stool. 

Some days I’ll get ambitious and ask him if he wants to sit on it.  The answer is usually “no.”  Sometimes he’ll actually do it for a minute to humor me… first, fully clothed, then he would actually let me take his clothes and diaper off.  Lately, we have been asking him before his bath if he wants to sit on it — just to keep it on his radar.  He usually says, “no.”  My pediatrician said not to even bother potty training until he’s three — he’ll just do it when he’s ready, she says. 

Well, tonight I was getting him ready for his bath and asked him if he’d like to sit on the potty.  I nonchalantly added that if he went “tinkle” (the word I have chosen for this bodily function) in the potty, I would give him a car.  He’s really been into doing anything for a Matchbox-sized character from Cars.  Would you believe that the kid sat down and tinkled like a pro?  I couldn’t.  I absolutely could not believe it.  What a big boy!

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can afford to keep up the potty training program with cars as a reward, so I’m going to have to try another tactic pretty quick.  I am just thrilled to know that he “gets it” and can do it on command, if he so chooses.  Wow.

4) Funny words.  I have to share a couple of funny things the toot said to me today:

• When I asked him if we should get him some chocolate milk: “Good idea, Mommy!”
• To a couple of things I said today: “Okie dokie”
• When we were calling SavvyDad on the phone: “I can’t wait!”

What a crack-up.

Back to the salt mines for me… I’d love to know about any potty training stories or tips that anyone has.  It’s a whole new adventure waiting for us, I’m sure.

It’s been a rough week so far.  The toot woke up Sunday night at 1am (think: night of sleep before the grueling work week begins) with a fever of 102.4.  Ouch.  It was a long night.  You know how it goes… you distribute the Tylenol and ibuprofen and hope it starts to come down.  He was a bit better in the morning, but by evening was totally lethargic and I was worried.  So, we took him to the KidsCare, etc., etc.  We think it’s just a virus, so I’m just watching him carefully.  [7/1/07 Edit: It turned out he had roseola, a virus that children 6 months-3 years typically catch.  For the toot, it was a 4-day fever of 103.5 degrees that came down with medication, followed by an all-over-the-body rash for 4 days.  The rash is harmless - not itchy or anything.  The biggest concern with roseola (I understand) is to manage the fever appropriately.]

Side note: they did a strep test on him… did you know that makes a lot of kids throw up?  I didn’t.  My husband was the one holding the toot, though… unfortunately.  Unfortunately for HIM.  Sorry, hon.

Anyway, getting to the point… to keep a close eye on his fever, you need to take his temperature, right?  Well, up until now, we have simply had a rectal thermometer.  On the way home from the KidsCare, though, I insisted we stop at the store and get an ear thermometer.  I was done.  I wasn’t about to put my son through the discomfort of rectal readings at the frequency I decided I needed them.

I can say only this: I wish I had bought one a year and a half ago.  If you don’t have one, go get one.  They are worth every penny.

I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t use them on children under 1 — their ear canals aren’t big enough.

I picked up one made by Braun (the best choice I had from those at the local store).  I don’t know about any others, but this one seems to do the trick.  Only takes one second and so easy, the toot has already figured out how to do it himself.  He also added “temperature” to his vocabulary on Monday.

I was telling my friend… Best Friend with No Name (BFNN?)… about it and she said she had the same one, and that she bought it at Costco.  The one I picked up was $49.99, but I’m betting you could find it for less without much trouble.

Another thought on Tylenol and ibuprofen: make sure you are giving your kids the right dosage for their weight.  I discovered that I should have been giving the toot the next dosage up because he sneaked over the weight range when I wasn’t looking.  It would work for a while, but then wear off WAY before I thought it should and that was why. 

Also, if you don’t want to call your doctor’s office to ask for the right dosage for your child’s weight, call your pharmacist.  I always call my brother-in-law who is a pharmacist.  LOL… I call him at his pharmacy in Colorado.

It’s Friday and I’m up super-early, thanks to a 6am holler from the toot.  His diaper leaked AGAIN.

It’s not like this is an unusual occurance (almost daily, actually), but in the last week he’s gotten more vocal about telling me.  “All wet, Mommy,” he’ll declare.  Yeah, I can see that.

Why the chronic diaper leak?  A couple of reasons spring to mind, but I think the determining factor is simply this: too much fluid, not enough diaper.  (That sort of reminds me of the SECRET of losing weight: eat less, exercise more.  Duh.) 

I’m not to the point where I’m going to deny the sweet child his bedtime cup of water, so I completely blame his diapers.  Not much I can do about them, though.  He is a big kid and his Kirkland size 5s (there is no size 6) are finally getting to be too small.  With the toot at 30 months and 37 lbs., they are just not cutting it.

I’ve tried having him wear pullups at night – thinking being that they might provide more coverage — but their level of absorbancy isn’t as high as a regular diaper.  So, it’s a nightly challenge to see if we can position his diaper “forward” enough to keep him dry until morning.  Today, again, victory eluded me.

So, here I sit: showered, dressed, breakfasted, and diet coked (you know what I mean…) at 7am.  It’s a gift of time, I said to myself when I couldn’t go back to sleep after the rediapering and redressing.  I spend a lot of days trying to get myself presentable before ten (sometimes noon).  It’s difficult when there are so many more interesting things going on.  Who has the patience for blowdrying hair when there are emails to be read, cars that need voices, and adorable toddlers to talk to. 

Definitely a gift of time.  Time for me, time for you (you get this post!), time for my clients that are going to hear from me earlier than usual, and most importantly, more time for the toot when he does finally wake up (he’s sleeping in bed with Daddy right now… I guess that move happened while I was in the shower). 

Two final thoughts:

1) Maybe I won’t try so hard to solve the diaper leaking problem.  This gift of time isn’t such a bad thing.

2) I think we’ll get the kiddie pool out today.

Happy Friday!

I wish that every person in every custody situation would be honest and forthcoming 100% of the time. Unfortunately, this is not true, and can be very much the opposite. I would like to suggest a few “tools of the trade” to help with a custody dispute case.

1. Keep a log. Write down each visit, when it occurred, what was said (if any argument occurred, etc). Maintain this and refer back to it if necessary. If you need to start a log and retroactively add visits, it’s really hard to remember what happened and when. Start now.

2. Save everything. I would suggest communication by email, especially if there are arguments or issues that come up all the time. You can use these in court, and may add strength to your case.

3. I cannot offer legal advice, but can pass on some that was given to me by my lawyer: Record your conversations. In the state of Utah, it is legal for you to record your own conversations. Let me be clear on that: You may record a conversation you are having with another person, and you do not have to inform them they are being recorded. It is not legal for you to record a conversation you are not involved in, for instance you cannot record your mother talking to your brother, but you can record yourself talking to your brother. There are many recording options available, and I purchased one at my local Radio Shack for around $100 and it works with my home phone and cell phone. This brings me back to point number 2. Save everything. Make duplicate or triplicate copies of your conversations. There are many places that will dictate your conversations for you, and it is ridiculously expensive, but if you have a conversation that you really need and you accidentally deleted it, there is no way to get it back.

4. Know your rights. Find a copy of the state guidelines for visitations for both custodial and non-custodial parents and do your absolute best to follow the guidelines on your end. Also, write down any “violations” on the other parent’s part. If you arrive on time, and they aren’t there for 30 min, write it down.

5. Do not react. As hard as it may be to be yelled at, or accused of things you didn’t do, etc., do not react. Do not give the other person ammunition for any argument or accusation they may have against you. And do not, under any circumstances push or shove or hit the other person. This can be assault, and can have legal charges attached to it. If you are afraid to go pick up your child from a visit, you can call the police and have an escort to “maintain the peace.” I had this done to me, for no reason, without any prior provocation or notice, and in hindsight it was fine because it showed that she was paranoid. I went out and chatted with the police and showed them that they had no reason to be there.  If you find yourself in a situation where you are being threatened or are unable to pick up your child because of aggressive behavior on the part of the other parent and it means you won’t get your visit that day or week, fine. Walk away. Just do not give the other person ammunition for anything.

That’s all for now.

CF

…Is not a quick process. I wish that I could say that I wanted an action completed as a single father and it would only take a matter of weeks from start to finish, and it isn’t like that in reality.

In March of 07, I filed a petition for a Parent Time Evaluation (which is an evaluation by a licensed psychologist of your home and your child’s other parent’s home, to evaluate which is a better environment for your child to be raised in) through the court system. It will be three months on June 20th, and I have not heard a thing about what the next step is.

I plan to have this blog NOT be a rant and rave about my specific situation, but more about the specifics of the legal system and the tools that are available to any parent going through a similar situation, and will focus more on that from now on.I guess the main point that I wanted to get across with this post is: Be patient. I know it is agonizing waiting for this or that, and you should certainly not go for months and months without anything happening, but as long as you know you have done all that you can and more, anticipate that it will all take some time.

If you have any comments or questions you can email me at canyonfoolUT@gmail.com

Cheers!

CF

I was at a Wasatch Online Marketing Association-related lunch on Friday, and of the 8 of us at the table, 6 were men, 2 of which didn’t have children.  But what did we find ourselves talking about?  Signing Time.

The other woman at lunch was my best friend (who still needs a name for this blog!) and she and I started talking about her 1 1/2-year-old son who is right now picking up SO many sign language signs and helping him communicate.  How is he doing it?  Signing Time. 

Signing Time is a series of DVDs/videos designed to help children (and adults) learn sign language in an easy and fun manner.  They are 30 minute programs that focus on a series of words/signs.  The signs are taught by your “hosts,” children and cousins Alex and Leah, and Leah’s mom, Rachel de Azevedo Coleman.  Rachel and her sister Emilie are the brainpower behind the series. 

All of the signs are tied together with delightful songs that Rachel sings and signs the words.

Beneficial to children with or without speech/hearing challenges, we found Signing Time to be a valuable tool when my son was learning to talk.  He could do the sign (or his version of the sign LOL) and say his version of the word… and between those two clues, I could usually figure out what he was trying to say.  SO much better than a frustrated screaming child!  I know that this has made the “terrible twos” easier.

According to their web site, Signing Time is also being broadcast on public television now.  For Salt Lake, it looks like it’s on KUEN (channel 9) Mondays at 12:30pm and 3:30pm.

I am still smiling about the men at our table on Friday… these are great dads who are more involved with their children’s upbringing/education/nurturing than any generation of men that has gone before.  These guys had not only watched the Signing Time DVDs (some of them ad nauseum), but had opinions about it.  We even talked about the toddler harness/leash (see prior post for more on that) and how difficult twins are.  I hope that trend is here to stay. (Not the difficult twin part, but the awesome dad part.)

Then it was back to the work thing… Speaking of which, I had better get back.  Have a happy Monday!

Every time I have the toot out and about with his adorable (and functional!) toddler harness on, I have SO many people that ask where I got it.  I’m going to say about 3 per hour, actually.

Since I noticed I’ve been getting hits on this blog from searches about the stuffed animal toddler harness, here is the info y’all are looking for: The one I have is the Eddie Bauer Harness Buddy and I’ve seen it at Target and Amazon.com for $9.99.  I’ve seen it as a bear and a dog.  We have the bear.  It has brought hours of SAFE outings at the zoo, etc. where the toot has been able to walk around and enjoy the experience (and get TIRED) without me losing him in a crowd or him running away in his unruly toddler fashion.

To those who disagree… sorry, but I love it.

(And, yes, I know it’s on backwards in this photo.  I wasn’t there when it was put on and I wasn’t going to bother fixing it after the fact.  It still works backwards!)

ALSO, I meant to mention again that I love Costco.  I bought a tent there last summer and finally used it the weekend after Mother’s Day THIS year.  It was probably the worst tent I have ever tried to sleep in.  It was HUGE, so I think it had some structural issues from being so large and kept collapsing under any hint of wind.  UGH.

So, a couple of days ago, I marched it down to the Bountiful Costco (still sandy and with a torn up box and everything) and returned it.  Just like that.  Gotta love Costco.

Then I bought another one — different manufacturer.  I’ll let you know next year how that one does.  I don’t think I’ll be camping with a 2 1/2 year old again this summer.  He didn’t sleep and neither did his dad or me.  UGH again.

No tricks and tips here on camping with toddlers.  Anyone else?  The toot was too excited about the wilderness to bother eating or sleeping.  Result: tired, hungry, cranky toddler and two tired, even crankier adults.  It was a two-night trip that ended after just the one night.

It’s been a few weeks!  Sorry about that… life happens.  So, I’m climbing back up on the bandwagon and here I am.

Wanted to drop a line about some grants I heard about today that Zions Bank is offering — 2007 “Smart Women” Grants.  Go to http://www.zionsbank.com/swsm_grant.jsp for more information.  Basically, they are offering grants up to $3,000 for business or project plans that fit the following mission statement:

“Zions Bank’s Smart Women Grants help support the efforts of everyday heroines who strengthen women, children and their communities.”

Check it out and if you apply, I’d love to hear about your business or project plan.  Go, Utah women!