Savvy Toddler Mom

What a week!  A busy, fun, snow-filled week!

First of all, thank you for all the birthday wishes!  I am overwhelmed.  I have to share a couple of my favorite gifts:

• SavvyDad framed the James C. Christensen Shakespeare print we bought a couple of years ago at the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, UT.  The frame is beautiful and he immediately hung it in our room on my side of the bed!  Thanks again, hon!
• Thank you, Tiffany & Phil, for the AWESOME sweatshirt.  It reads, “I [heart] Mr. Darcy.”  I laughed and laughed.  Thank you!!!!  After opening, I said, “Oh, I can’t WAIT to blog about that!”  Then I opened my next gift…
• Thanks again, Anne & Matt, for the fabulous t-shirt!  It reads, “i am so blogging this.”  I love it!  And very true-to-life. LOL
• And last, but not least, thanks, Heather, for the Fairytale Brownies.  I am sad to say they didn’t last long.  The toot especially loved them and helped himself (toddler scissors in hand) at every opportunity.  Thank you again!!

Breakfast with Santa was a huge success.  Man, my MIL is amazing.  Really.  And her three daughters are following in her footsteps.  My SIL made this amazing cinnamon pull-apart tree.  She made it up completely on her own.  (Photo by SavvyDad.)

Santa was absolutely perfect.  I wish I could post some pics of the kids, but my internet paranoia is too strong.  But here is a shot of Santa himself (photo by SavvyDad):

We also had a really fun extended-family Christmas get-together for my side of the family last night.  It was so great to see my cousins and have our children play together.  We don’t do it often enough!  On that side of the family, there are 10 great-grandchildren and the toot is one of the two boys!  My nephew wasn’t there, so he and the five girls that were there played and played.  Matt & Anne, we really missed Liesel & Sage!  They would have had a great time in all the chaos.

My wonderful cousin Amber just announced that she is expecting her fourth girl.  She and her husband do daughters so well!  I am so excited for you.

My “little” brother and his wife are days away from having a little boy!  I can’t wait for little Coleby to get here.  I am so excited for them to have the newborn baby experience… the overwhelming love, the complete lack of sleep, the overwhelming love that keeps you from strangling this little person that has turned your life upsidedown.  It’s going to be awesome.  They totally deserve to have just the happiest New Year with a sweet little guy to make the rest of their lives that much sweeter.

Today is the second anniversary of the day we lost our little Elizabeth.  It seems a lot longer and a lot shorter at the same time.  A year ago last Thursday we lost our little James.  Needless to say, Christmastime is a little bit melancholy for us now.  I am trying hard to enjoy the season… enjoy not being pregnant trying to shop and cook and run around, enjoy not being in the hospital and getting sympathy cards and flowers instead of Christmas cards and goodies.  But it’s still hard when I think about the little people that should be here enjoying it with us.  The little people that shouldn’t allow us to have ornaments on the lower half of the tree… the little people that should be having their first or second Christmas and… the little people that their big brother should be playing with.  It just breaks my heart.  It seems like the sweetest things hurt the most, too… a double-edged sword.  The toot can be SO funny and darling… and it should be twice as much (at least).

I got some snowflake ornaments this year with all of our little babies’ names and dates on them.  They are beautiful.  If you are looking for something like that to remember loved ones you’ve lost, look at Things Remembered.  That’s where I got mine.

Okay, enough crying.  Gah.

Can I just tell you that I am SO stinkin’ excited for Christmas?!?!?!  I don’t remember being this excited in… probably 15 years.  I can’t WAIT to see the toot’s face when he walks into the living room on Christmas morning.  I can’t WAIT to see the magic happen as Santa brings him what he asked for.  I can’t WAIT to see SavvyDad’s surprise and delight at two things in particular!  I can’t WAIT to see my nephews and nieces enjoy the gifts I got them.  It really is better to give than to receive.

Last Thursday I got a call from my doctor’s office with the pathology report back on our twins.  We lost two perfectly perfect little girls.

Where did I put my Xanax again?

This is me a week ago yesterday.  What a horrible couple of weeks.

To bring you all up to speed… not only did we lose our twins at 13 weeks, but after the D&C I had on Friday, May 30th, I apparently retained some tissue that caused internal bleeding and hemorraging.  On Wednesday, June 4th, I went to the doctor (had to see one of my doctor’s partners since my doctor was in surgery) and he prescribed methergine to control the bleeding. 

Needless to say, 24-hours later on Thursday, June 5th, I was back at the doctor’s for an ultrasound after no improvement.  The ultrasound found my uterus to be still about 14-week size (since it was carrying twins, it was about 18-week size the week before) and FULL of huge blood clots.  They sent me straight over to the hospital for a second D&C.

After this second surgery, I wasn’t feeling very well at all.  That combined with an insanely low blood pressure had SavvyDad insisting I spend the night at the hospital for observation.  An excellent decision.  By the next day, they discovered I had lost so much blood that I needed a blood transfusion.  Two units of O+ later, followed by 12 hours of sleep, and I felt like a new woman.  I woke up Saturday morning feeling better than I had in months.

Since arriving home from the hospital, I have been on varying degrees of bed rest — for a day or two there it was bed rest with bathroom privileges ONLY — and am now healing normally.

I have so much more to say and to share about this entire experience, but will save it for another day.  Today I would like to leave you with this…

As SavvyDad so eloquently wrote on his Flickr page: “We’d like to thank anyone who donates blood, as someone’s generosity has immensely helped her [my] recovery. We are deeply grateful to you, anonymous donor.”

Alright… who sent me the box from Philosophy?  It didn’t have a card or message on the packing slip or anything!!!  Please let me know who sent it so that I can properly thank you.

Found this over the weekend… the Barenaked Ladies (one of MY favorite bands) released a children’s album in May called “Snack Time.” Listening to snippets, it sounds awesome.  Gotta get me a copy.

I woke up today to the FedEx guy bringing me an awesome care package from my amazing friend Heather.  Heather, thank you again!!!!  What a way to start the day.  I felt/feel so overwhelmingly loved.  Oh, and your cookies are really YUMMY. 

Not feeling great today.  Not healing as fast as I’d hoped.  SavvyDad stayed home this morning and took the toot to tumbling class.  I am so grateful for him.  I would be in really bad shape without a loving, sweet, selfless, hard-working, wonderful husband.

I am also grateful for the makers of Percocet, Zoloft, Xanax, Ibuprofen, and Diet Coke.  I would be in even worse shape without them.

We lost our twins.  Don’t know what else to say. 

Had a D&C on Friday and am at home recuperating. 

Life sucks sometimes.

So, I had another ultrasound yesterday — everything was great!  Those little guys were wiggling and moving… so wonderful to see!  They are measuring right on target; even a little ahead.  So, as far as we know, everything is as it should be.

Huge sigh of relief.

I get so wound up going in for an ultrasound.  I’m just terrified to find bad news waiting for me.  Poor SavvyDad doesn’t really know what to do with me.  He knows that he can’t very well talk me down when I get like that.  Oh, well.  One day at a time.

Over the weekend I did my first heparin shot on my own!  SavvyDad has been doing them for me, but I finally got up the nerve to actually poke myself and I am now empowered.  SavvyDad still assists with getting the syringe ready, etc., but I can do it to myself now.  Hurrah!  One hurdle at a time.

I wasn’t feeling great last night and took a phenegran for nausea.  It was about 11:00pm, and I am SO groggy today.  Having such a hard time waking up!  That drug is a miracle, though.  I would much rather be sleepy that nauseated.

CTM went for her check-up yesterday and her doctor scheduled her for induction on Tuesday, if she doesn’t go into labor before then!  Yay!  We’ll have that little guy here in a week, one way or the other.  I am so excited!

Today does bring with it some sadness… today my little Elizabeth would have had her first birthday.  I miss her so much.  I can just imagine what she would have looked like and how we would be celebrating today.  I can’t wait until the day when I can finally meet her, put my arms around her and hold her tight.

I am so glad that today finds me in such hopeful circumstances.  I have a wonderful, sweet little boy and two new babies on the way.  I can look to the future and be positive.

I remember going in for a two-week check-up after Elizabeth died and waiting in the examining room.  There was a mirror just across from where I was sitting.  I looked at myself in the mirror for a while as I waited for the doctor.  I noticed how old I looked… how tired and worn and beaten down with sorrow and a weary body.  I didn’t like what I saw.  In that moment, I decided that I was going to be a survivor.  I was going to pick myself up, pull myself back together, and keep going.  I have often thought of that moment.  I remember exactly what I was wearing and how my hair was that day.  I remember the conviction I felt to not be that person that I saw in my reflection.  I am happy to say that I haven’t been that person.  I am a survivor.

So even as I mourn some more today, I am grateful that I have been given the strength to overcome.  I am grateful for my sweet husband, without whom I would not be able to cope.  I am grateful for my adorable little toot and for all the things I have learned by being his mom.  He is the light of my life.  I am grateful for these two little babies growing inside me and I have all the hope in the world that they will be able to join our family healthy and whole.  One day at a time.

I sat down to blog last night around 11:30pm and discovered that our cable was out — internet, phones, tv.  Ack!  I was cut-off from the world! 

Luckily, I managed to find something else to do: go to bed.

I’m still trying to recover from the Daylight Savings Time change.  Ugh.  I consider moving to Arizona constantly for the weather… and this week, because they don’t do DST.  I do enjoy it being lighter longer in the evening, though.  Really, I just can’t wait for spring and summer!  I miss being WARM.

Since I’m a little behind (as usual), let’s have update time! 

SavvyTodderMomFitness
CTM and I are back at the gym this week after taking a week off due to CTM’s cold.  Yeah, I could go by myself… but I didn’t.  I thought I would… but I didn’t.  Wow.  I really need to work on that self discipline.  Anyway, the good news is that we are back on schedule and going three days a week again.  Also, I did some gardening on Monday and MAN, I am sore.  I think I need to add squats to the “to do” list.

SavvyToddlerMomQuitsCaffeine
It’s done, folks.  I quit!  I’m through.  I did have a little slip last week — I’ll be honest with you — I had a horrible migraine and I pounded down a Relpax and a Diet Coke in no time flat.  Felt SO much better!  However, I got to thinking about how hard it was and how long it took to quit in the first place and gave my permission for SavvyDad to take the remaining Diet Cokes to work.  Big step for me — no crutches.

SavvyToddlerMomBabySaga
I went to see the “new” perinatalogist on Tuesday.  He was great — took his time reading through our history and lab work, etc.  He went through all of the things they usually look for — and complimented my OBGYN on his thoroughness.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have an ALAKAZAM moment.  There really isn’t much else we can do.  He said the baby aspirin/heparin treatment is pretty experimental (which we didn’t know) and that if we did absolutely nothing, we would have a 65% chance of having a healthy baby.
 
Interestingly enough, he and a fellow of his are doing a study on 10-20 week miscarriages and they asked if we would participate.  We agreed and they drew our blood (both of us) and got our consent to get samples from Elizabeth’s and James’ placentas that were used for the pathology work we had done earlier.  They will do a genetic comparison — our genes vs. the babies’ — and see if there are any anomalies that can offer an explanation.  He said that second trimester demises are usually due to genetic problems, but there is so much genetic data that they haven’t been able to pin it all down yet.  Really interesting!  They said it’ll probably be a year or more before we hear anything back, but it’s nice to know that we can possibly help someone else down the road by assisting in solving the puzzle.

If you or someone you know has had a 10-20 week miscarriage and would like to participate in this study, please email me at savvytoddlermom @ gmail.com and I will send you the contact information for the doctor heading it up.  It’s actually a female doctor and she is great.

I also want to tell you all THANK YOU for reading SavvyToddlerMom.com… my readership has grown considerably in 2008 and it’s so fun to know you are all out there reading.  I hope you are having fun reading — hopefully taking something away — and laughing.

I’ve been so busy doing things I want to blog about, I haven’t had a chance to blog about them!  This week the toot and I — and the majority of the in-law clan – made it over to the Discovery Gateway.  Very cool, but expensive.  When I have more time, I will give a more complete review, but for now my overall opinion is that you have to go at least once.  The toot LOVED it and keeps asking to go again.

I also went to the new IKEA this morning — first time since it opened in Draper last summer.  Yes, I thought I was the last person to finally go, but then I realized CTM hasn’t been yet either!  I’ve been to IKEA before in Chicago and California, but not our very own here in Salt Lake.  It was nice to go and not have to think, “Will that fit in my luggage?” with everything I considered purchasing.

They have a great kids’ play area — free for an hour! — but… alas, the toot is not potty trained yet.  Only 100% potty trained children allowed!  He did have some awesome mac & cheese in the restaurant, although I prefer their meatballs.  Yum!

So, I think I’ve mentioned Suze Orman’s book Women & Money before, but I think it deserves another, longer mention.  Or, rather, directive: Get this book!  Even if you think (or know) you are very financially savvy, unless you are a financial planner yourself, you will learn something.  I read it last year after my SIL Anne mentioned it (thanks again!). 

One of my favorite things about it (there are several…) is the money market account offer they provide.  Suze Orman worked out a deal with TD Ameritrade… if you open a money market account there and deposit at least $50/month for one year, they will give you an additional $100!  This month I make my 12th deposit and after I get my extra $100, will have $700 in the account.  And honestly, it’s been painless.

On a totally different train of thought, I spent an hour in the doctor’s office last month cracking up over an issue of Wondertime I picked up in there.  I just sent in for a subscription, I liked it so much.  I found it much more down-to-earth than most parenting magazines, but also more sophisticated.  The article that I was laughing about so hard I was crying was from a woman that blogs for them and was relating her funniest/worst moments of parenting.  I was DYING.  Someone who has had four miscarriages (that would be me…) shouldn’t be laughing so hard in a OBGYN’s waiting room surrounded by extremely pregnant women.  Very sweet medicine for me.

Speaking of which… I am going to a second perinatalogist next week for another opinion.  Since all my tests, etc. have come up negative, I have got to keep trying to find an answer.  Along the lines of when you are at the bottom of the barrel, you find another barrel.  My new barrel is at the U of U Hospital and specializes in recurrent miscarriages, preterm births, and stillborns.  I’ll let you know what I find out (if anything).

The toot has been completely off his napping/eating schedule lately and has been SUCH a monster.  I think we will be laying low the next couple of days so that he (and I) can recover.  I actually found a bare spot on my desk today, so I am not as buried as I have been.  Yay!  Hopefully I will be able to blog about the Discovery Gateway, etc. very soon.

Another zero Diet Coke day!  Yay!

I am going to celebrate by having a Fresca.

I made the BEST chicken tortilla soup tonight - here is the recipe (for the crock pot):

4 uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
2 15-oz cans black beans, undrained
2 15-oz cans low-sodium Mexican stewed tomatoes, or Rotel tomatoes
1 cup low-sodium salsa (mild, medium, or hot, whichever you prefer)
4-oz can chopped green chilies, undrained
14-1/2-oz can low-sodium tomato sauce
baked tortilla chips
2 cups grated fat-free cheese

1. Combine all ingredients except chips and cheese in large slow cooker.
2. Cover. Cook on low 8 hours. (I do mine on high for 4 hours.)
3. Just before serving, remove chicken breasts and slice into bite-size pieces. Stir into soup.
4. To serve, put a handful of chips in each individual soup bowl. Ladle soup over chips. Top with cheese.

Recipe by Becky Harder of Monument, CO from Fix-It and Forget-It Lightly by Phyllis Pellman Good.

Tomorrow is the dreaded hysterosalpingogram.  I’m trying not to think about it.

I’d like to thank my sweet friend Jasmine for reminding me this morning that “miscarriage” isn’t the right word. I’ve been thinking about it all day.  I’m going to try and say something else from now on.  I think she’s right in that “miscarriage” is a word taken lightly in our society.  Losing a baby should not be taken lightly.  She and I lost babies… real, live, loved babies.  “Miscarriage” doesn’t come close to defining what happened to them/us.  Jasmine, thank you again.